jokez

#1 I was stationed on a Navy ship in the Mediterranean , and the 18-to 20-hour workdays passed very slowly . My wife a psychologist,decided to send me a relaxation tape to ease the stress of sea duty Its title: Sounds of the Ocean.

#2" Why did you leave your last job?"
"It was something my boss said."
"What did he say?"
"You're fired!!"

#3 Three rough looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy's pancakes.The second biker spits a wad of tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate on the floor.
Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.
"Not much of a man, was he?"says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress.
"He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

#4 Every new senior class at our school brings with it a new senior prank. Recently, a group of students let three pigs loose inside the school. They were labeled Pig #1, Pig #2, and Pig #4. School officials quickly rounded up the three pigs but spent the rest of the day looking for Pig#3.

#5 I spent a good part of a recent afternoon stuck on the grocery's express line behind a woman with way too many items. "I'm sorry," she told the clerk. "I guess I forgot to count the things I had in my cart." "Don't worry," the clerk said. "Everyone behind you is counting them."